It finally hit me last night...I was the biggest failure I had ever encountered. After 3 months of being back home and job hunting till my fingers bled (figuratively speaking) I was no further than where I had first begun. I had in my possession a degree from an esteemed school and no current or future job prospects other than the one I am at. I find myself extremely disappointed and not just a little less than short of despair.......definition: I have cried about my lack of a career more than once. But last night I think I hit a spot where I have not previously ever found myself. I was a failure. Upon further evaluation, (I love saying that phrase) I regarded myself as the biggest failure I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I had sent out numerous cover letters, had many interviews, all to no avail. Why couldn't I climb that ladder?
Don't get me wrong....I am not suffering...far from it to be exact. I have a job at a upper-class restaurant that provides me with what I need. Yet, who with a four-year degree likes to say "Oh I work at a restaurant that I've been working at for the past 4 years"? How is that respectable? I read what I have just written and I sound like I'm having a pity party...and maybe I am. I really shouldn't be, given the economy, I really am lucky to have a job.
Yet, I still can't help but bemoan my poor sorry little self. I should probably disclaim this is not me begging for a job or me trying to appeal to you for some morsel of a job contact.
This is me just blogging about my job hunting experience....my future....my whining....whatever you would like to call it...this is me just relaying my experience.
I've come to realize I measure myself, my success and my failures through other people's binoculars. I assume another's view of myself and that is what, for me, determines my ultimate verdict. I don't ever ask myself what I think success to me means. I don't ever ask what value to me means.
A stockbroker may think making 100+ a year is a success.....whereas a doctor may think saving a life is a success...and a teacher may think teaching a child to read is a success. But what do I, Michelle Ashley Hipps, think success means? I find myself lacking an answer and maybe, for right now, I have to keep trudging (like Chaucer in a Knight's Tale) to find an answer. Maybe for me, it's to go back to school and learn more....maybe it's to keep blogging, as I love to do, till I somehow spin up an answer. Whatever the case may be, I doubt I'm going to find it at a restaurant that pays me what I need....maybe I need to be lacking to find it. I'll let you know if I find it.